I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
