she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
