i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
