After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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