Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
