she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
