Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
