i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
