You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize