I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
