so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
