You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize