you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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