Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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