She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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