i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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