how hairy? two words: wookie tits
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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