4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
