The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
