The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
