That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
whose ass print is on the piano?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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