Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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