I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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