I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
