tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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