Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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