im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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