my shit smells like andre
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
