TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
