We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
