Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
