I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
