I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
