I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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