im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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