If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize