i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
