I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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