well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
