i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
