and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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