Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
