i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize