Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
