he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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