New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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