I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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