Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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