I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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