Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
