I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
