Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have fence marks all over my body
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
