I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
