if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Don't make out with my wife yet
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
