Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
