In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
