If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
