We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
