Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You can't just leave with hair like that
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
