She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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