I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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