im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
