he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
