apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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