Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
