I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
