I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
