If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
