I wish I could teleport
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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