Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
