If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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