how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize