You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
