good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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