Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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