cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
