If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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