I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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