Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
