seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
