things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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